That being said, he did fool me. Maybe I’m going blind or it could be my trusting nature? Whatever it is, I admit this knowing full well it puts my future as a big league umpire in jeopardy, more so than the fact that I never wanted to be an umpire in the first place. So in the end everybody wins; I don’t get dirt kicked on me and baseball doesn’t have to put up with the laziest, most unprofessional and “gambley” umpire the game has ever seen.

I digress; back to the video: He had good instincts, what sold me was he doesn’t hesitate. It’s as if he approached the at-bat thinking “Fuck it, if the ball comes anywhere near me I’m ‘faking a beaner©’ ” (You’ll notice, I’ve copyrighted “fake a beaner”, so govern yourself accordingly).

This video exposes a truth in sports; cheating is a sign you really want to win. We’re all familiar with the old saying “If you ain’t cheating, you suck!” (I may not have that 100% accurate). Point is; we need more players sinking to despicable depths for a W. Why aren’t Wide-Receivers inflating footballs in the end-zone then screaming touchdown? When will boxers start tripping their opponents, rapidly counting to ten and running away? The biggest question is why aren’t teams having a replica of their respective sport’s championship trophy made and declaring victory? Sure the other team has video evidence, but some say they staged the moon landing, so why not try it? In fact, I’m going on record now to claim that every single Red Wings Stanley Cup victory was a hoax and should be awarded to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

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