What the hell is going on down there in Hollywood?  First Matt Damon freaks out on “Vinnie Chase”, or was it Adrien? I dunno?

Anyways, now, of all people, Seth Green decides to have a John Conner-esque sissy fit during a recent commercial shoot.  Ok, seriously?  Seth Green?  Come on.

The debate is on, staged or not?  I’m going to say staged.   I honestly can’t believe that Chris Griffin himself would put on his big boy voice to throw a serious temper tantrum.

Let’s break down the facts.

1) Seth was jumped outside by two guys and nobody was there to help him!

2) Enraged, Seth storms inside, yells at the producer as well as the security guard who should have been guarding the set.

3) After yelling at two people that had absolutely nothing to do with the incident, Seth flips the craft service table OVER his head (not so hard considering it’s already at neck height), and then storms off into his trailer.

Something just doesn’t come together.  How could these two men assault Seth Green and just let him go, unphased; free to call the cops and report them.

…Wait a minute.  God dammit, I’m about to pull some serious CSI shit.  Here we go.

First of all, the two men Seth speaks of weren’t just two random guys.  It was Elton John and David Furnish.  Also, let me clear this up, they weren’t trying to assault him at all.  Far from!  The  couple, after being denied the ability to adopt a baby boy from Ukraine, decided to take matters in their own hands.  They were walking down the studio lot, spotted the 3’4″ Seth Green, and just decided to reer him as their own.  Unfortunately, Green has short legs that can rapidly flail about in this dangerous whipping motion, so they just gave up and let him free.

BAM.  Broke that shit down.  Tell me I’m wrong.  I can’t be wrong, it makes too much god damned sense to.

Related posts:

1. Megan Fox Shrivels Seth Rogen’s Sack
2. Make the lamb stop screaming.
3. The March of Shame

That being said, he did fool me. Maybe I’m going blind or it could be my trusting nature? Whatever it is, I admit this knowing full well it puts my future as a big league umpire in jeopardy, more so than the fact that I never wanted to be an umpire in the first place. So in the end everybody wins; I don’t get dirt kicked on me and baseball doesn’t have to put up with the laziest, most unprofessional and “gambley” umpire the game has ever seen.

I digress; back to the video: He had good instincts, what sold me was he doesn’t hesitate. It’s as if he approached the at-bat thinking “Fuck it, if the ball comes anywhere near me I’m ‘faking a beaner©’ ” (You’ll notice, I’ve copyrighted “fake a beaner”, so govern yourself accordingly).

This video exposes a truth in sports; cheating is a sign you really want to win. We’re all familiar with the old saying “If you ain’t cheating, you suck!” (I may not have that 100% accurate). Point is; we need more players sinking to despicable depths for a W. Why aren’t Wide-Receivers inflating footballs in the end-zone then screaming touchdown? When will boxers start tripping their opponents, rapidly counting to ten and running away? The biggest question is why aren’t teams having a replica of their respective sport’s championship trophy made and declaring victory? Sure the other team has video evidence, but some say they staged the moon landing, so why not try it? In fact, I’m going on record now to claim that every single Red Wings Stanley Cup victory was a hoax and should be awarded to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Related posts:

1. Greatest Shot of Federer’s Career?
2. No One Tells Federer to Shut Up
3. Even Hitler Hated “Breaking Dawn”